I grew up in a Pentecostal church. Yep, the turn-or-burn, filled with the Holy Spirit, pre-trib, Revelation-fearing, rock-music-is-evil, wear a dress and look pretty institution. I loved it! [I would like to point out here that this is the church that introduced the Happy Heretic to Jesus] We were exuberant, energetic, creative people. Always coming up with new ideas to reach out and help others. We had buses pick up kids and bring them to Sunday school. We had great mid-week programs for everyone. I was involved in children’s ministry, youth ministry, musicals and dramas. Everything was geared to getting the unchurched in the church and getting them saved. We had good motives and intentions. What we didn’t see was that by focusing on getting people to come to us, to believe our way, come to Jesus our way, we were being self-centered. All this lead to some beliefs I had that I don’t remember anyone teaching me. I just developed them on my own. If you grew up in a church you probably know what they are:

• My church is the best.
• If you are a good christian you will attend a church in the same denomination as me.
• If you are a good christian and live in the same city as me and really want the best God has for you you will attend my church ’cause the other church in my city of the same denomination it’s not that good. Oh, and they are snobs.

Ya, there were problems. In my teen years I learned I if my opinions don’t match those of the majority I should keep my mouth shut. I learned to fit in and maintain a personal set of beliefs that I kept to myself. For example: I never bought into the whole submission thing. I knew that, in God’s eyes, in the Kingdom, I was just as valuable and capable as  a man. There was no way I was going to abdicate my spiritual covering to a man, not even my husband. That is my responsibility. Is is any wonder that I didn’t marry until I was 29? People just thought I was anti-man and were shocked when I got engaged. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised I married a heretic. I scared most men off. I have actually been told I was too strong. [Yeah me!]

So you could still think of me as a charismatic christian but with definite post-modern leanings.

Our Churchy Journey was my idea. As homeschoolers it just seems like the natural thing to do. Since we are no longer bound by weekly church attendance to one building why not explore other churches? How do other denominations work out their salvation? What are the differences? Do these differences really matter? What are the common denominators? We are not church hunting! We are going on a weekly field trip.

Here are our guildlines:

• Attend at least one church from every denomination in the phone book
• Don’t attend on a special Sunday, like Easter. We want to see what it is like on a regular Sunday.
• Try to do this three times a month.
• Try to blend in. We are observing, not judging.
• Record our perceptions before attending and our observations after. [this is the main reason for this blog]
• If we know people at the church we will be attending we will not forewarn them. [this will probably be the case for at least 1/3 of the churches, well that's my prediction.]
• We will not give the names of the churches on this blog. We are not interested in disparaging or embarrassing anyone directly. We will only refer to the denomination.

We intended to start last Sunday but I got a job and was at training. We will officially start this Sunday, tomorrow, and we are already breaking a rule. This church is not in the phone book, at least not in the yellow pages. It is a newer church that started a couple of years ago. We wanted to start easy and this one will be easy. It is a laid back, you-don’t-have-to-dress-up, bring-in-your-Tim’s kind of place, much like the church we left [not the church I grew up in... ya, I left that church 18 years ago but that is another story for another time.].

Tomorrow we will submit our first Church review. [I'm excited! Are you excited? This is going to be good.]

The video is Greg Hawkins from the Leadership Summit ’07. The quote that made me go back and listen:

Increasingly [the people closer to God/ centered in Christ] are thinking about leaving the church.  … The people who love God the most, are the most disappointed by their local church.

My wife and I have entered into this category. Not necessarily that we love God more/ or are more centered on Christ, but we have left the church. Admittedly, reasons for leaving a local congregation may be very different, even between the The Church Lady and I. I can only speak for myself.

A couple of years ago, I was in the stalled category Greg talks about (really, go watch the video and come back, I’ll wait).

Anyway, back to my story. A decade ago I was involved in a really exciting drama ministry that lasted a hand full of years. It was in the winding down stage, looking back now, that some disillusionment with organized western Christianity may have crept in. There was a lot of hype and talk during our teams events, but there was little to no follow-through. I saw within  churchianity, all talk and very little action – just enough to get people to the next high, the next event, movement or speaker.

This disillusionment came at a great time to allow for me to let my faith stall. I was in a career change and could rightly focus on my education and new career. For five years I coasted.  I was involved in leadership, in the Sunday event and in friendships, but was not growing in relationship with God.

Then one day I awoke from my slumber, and with my awakening came questions. I found myself getting closer to God but further away from churchianity; further away from the conservative, charismatic orthodoxy I knew and closer to a liberal, post-charismatic free-thinking faith that was off my map. I have no doubt that the old me would consider the new me a heretic, so I do not fault any of my friends who may think this way of me.

The one thing I am seeing, is that, as soon as strong, mature Christians start to ask questions of the status quo Christianity they are involved in, people start to feel threatened – maybe even afraid. Questions are fine for seekers and those new to the faith, but if you have been involved for any length of time and start asking questions, it seems obvious that the old answers will no longer be enough.

The scary thing is that once someone enters into the questioning phase, there seems to be no stopping it until all the so-called foundations are leveled in order that faith can once again be built on the bedrock of Christ. And it is not that simple. This tearing down and rebuilding can be happening simultaneously and with any number of ideas and doctrines. As a matter of fact, I have torn down and rebuilt some of my foundations numerous times.

I understand how this time can be scary for some. There are times that I can definitely echo the nakedpastor (though I am not sure I would use atheist, I would use agnostic):

For several years now I’ve become more and more acquainted with the atheist that lives inside of me. I’m not saying this as a gimmick. I mean it. It is a very unique atheist that lives within me. He is an unusual blend of my own history, experiences, explorations, thoughts and feelings. The interesting thing is that this inner atheist is actually the shadow of the inner believer that lives within me. So these aren’t evil thoughts that sometimes overpower my religious ones. Rather, these thoughts are part and parcel of my religious thoughts also. The light and the shadow actually have a unified presence in my life. This is a simple list of 10 markers that could identify this inner atheist of mine:

1. the existence of God can’t be proven
2. fundamentalism, in any form, annoys me
3. although I appreciate my Christian heritage, once I got to a certain point in my development, I found it more difficult to find support within it. So I understand why some leave the church and even the faith.
4. …

During this time, my motto has been:
“If something is beyond the range of questioning, it is not worth believing in.”

If I hold something so sacred that I cannot question it, then how can I say that I believe it? At that point I am walking in blind faith. And blind faith is not true faith. True faith is based on Truth and Truth needs to be questioned to determine if it can  stand and thus be Truth.

A couple of examples of what some would consider beyond being questionable are: a) the virgin birth, and b) the bodily resurrection. These two are beyond the scope of questioning because they are considered by many to be fundamentals of our faith.

I think that the virgin birth is not a requirement for biblical faith – even if it is a requirement for creedal faith. Believing something other than the bodily resurrection, on the other hand, is possibly to step outside of Pauline Christianity. I don’t think this means that questioning it is off limits, but I need to be able to admit to myself that may be I are wrong. Only then can I be sure of my faith.

Mean while, The Church Lady will be saying “blah, blah,blah” as she reads this philosophical crap. Ergo my original statement: “reasons for leaving a local congregation may be very different” indeed.

Peace.